Saturday , Jan. 11th 2020 , is closing fast . 2019 was the worst year of my life . In Oct. 2018 my wife Patricia (Pat) of 34 years had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung . After tolerating radiation treatments for brain cancer , and multiple sessions with the cancer doctor’s , all the while getting progressively worse , it was determined that the cancer was now in her bones and her blood .
Our young (grand) daughter Cassandra , who was 19 , jumped in and helped her grandmother with everything from housework , dr’s appointments and everyday necessities . As if that wasn’t enough , hard times and sadness .
On the morning of Jan. 11th 2019 , I went to wake her in the morning and found her dead . She had sat up till about 12:30 the night of the 10th , talking with her uncle Dave and I , who had come down to TN with my daughter and our grandchildren , to visit his mom on his birthday . She was in great spirits and I heard her get a glass of water before going to bed . It was 10 a m when I went to wake her . She was laying on her back , her right arm under her head and her right leg crossed at the knee . I grabbed her little toe like I always did and give it a wiggle . She didn’t respond . But that was a game she played sometimes . So I wiggled it again expecting her to smile and say gotcha again ya ol coot , her pet name for me . But it was then I realized her leg was stiff . I looked up at her face and saw her lips were blue . I said to myself oh Christ . I walked up and put my hand on her chest and knew that she was dead .
I went to the living room and informed everyone that she had died . It was pandamonium for quite some time untill she was picked up by the medical examiner . My wife could not walk unassisted by this time and she just sat in the chair . Her pain had just been magnified 1000 fold , now she had to deal with both physical and the mental , but now the anguish of heartache .
Cassie was an intelligent , beautiful , gentle , kind , creative and artistic young lady . We had raised and protected her from the young age of 9 months old when we took physicasl custody of her. She almost always had a smile on her face and a song on her lips . She loved nature and animals , and always gave people the benefit of the doubt .
The very next day the 12th as my wife was being assisted back into the car from a wheelchair she twisted just right and broke her hip . The bone cancer had weakened her bones to a brittle state . Surgery was scheduled for the 13th I think maybe the 14th . 21 days in a rehab facility and then home . The rehab center had referred me to Hospice . Thank God for them because I never would have been able to take care of Pat , myself . The cancer got so bad that she cried out in pain constantly for medication . She went downhill very fast , and I stayed with her all the time . March 16th at 6 a m she passed away .
Pat was the only woman , I have ever known in my now 64 years , who had the love , the determination , and want to to stay with a guy like me . I kept my promise , stayed with her , helped raise her children , and protected her and the kids . She was my wife and I was her husband . No , it wasn’t always easy but we sure did learn to work together and handle all life had to throw at us . God , how I miss them ladies .
My life has changed to the point , I have lost my identity . My wife is gone , my Cassie is gone , my TN home is gone , my dog of 15 years is gone , lost my goals and direction . I have no idea what I am supposed to do , where I am supposed to go , or how the hell to even get there .
Pat passed in March . I relocated back to NY in May . I reluctantly agreed to move in with my daughter Marti , her fiance’ and children . They had established a spot for me . I have a small suite in the basement and have privacy . My son in law now Luke let me have the back end of the garage a small 1 car bay for a shop of my own . In Aug . I had a major surgery a bi femoral aortic bypass , a section of the main aorta from the heart was replaced and 2 arteries to reestablish blood flow to my legs .
I don’t know what’s coming down the road . I have such a emptiness in my heart , my mind , and in my life . I miss them terrible .
I am grateful to Marti , to Luke , and to my son Dave for being here . As much as I love them the emptiness is still there . I will try my best to get my workshop together and try to make the best of whats coming down the road .
2019 TRULY SUCKED ……. Just Saying
Just My Opinion 