River of Darkness

Sometimes , I am reminded of a song , River of darkness over me . Who am I ? Nobody special , famous , or incredible . People tell me I am pessimistic and negative sometimes to a fault . But that’s okay , because  guess what ? We all have faults . Even when  life seems to be going well , I’m not truly happy . Maybe  because life has turned me bitter , cold , and distrustful ? Maybe it’s because of the consequences of decisions I have made in my life ? Maybe it’s the hurt , real or imagined that I have experienced ? Maybe it’s fear ? Maybe it’s  loss ? I really can’t put a finger on any one specific cause or reason , but I can assume it may be one or more of the above . It’s sad really . We are brought into this world carefree and worry free . We are tended to and cared for until we reach a certain age and  then turned out to the real world . There we learn the cold hard facts of life . Over the years and many lessons learned . Emotions have a lot to do with a persons character . They dictate how any given scenario will play out . Will it be peaceful or will it be violent ? Will it end in sorrow and sadness or in joy and happiness ? Will it end in freedom or in bondage ? The fact is every scenario has it’s own outcome . You can try and predict how it will play out , but until the last card is played it’s anyone’s game . I have learned that each of us are dealt a hand of cards at birth . It’s not a hand where you have wild cards or get to throw in the cards you don’t want . Life is what I like to call “GUTS” poker . You play the hand you are dealt . Anyone who has ever played guts poker knows , not every hand is a winner . So we keep anteing up and hoping the next hand will be a little better . Do you ever win ? No , not in the end . Death is an unbiased non racist bitch . Like fire or water , tornado or a medical event , death sneaks in and that’s the final hand . Am I sad , hurting , in pain ? No . Am I happy , mad in bondage or free ? No . Sometimes I have a feeling that my life has stalled swirling endlessly in one spot . There is no movement  stuck in an ever deepening  rut . I know as I’ve learned thru the years that given time , this too shall pass . When it feels as if it’s too dark to see ….. That’s when I feel A River of darkness over me. …… Just Thinking ……..

 

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